Life

Assalamualaikum chicassss

It's literally my last day home so I'm going to blabber nonsense things about meself.

The truth is I always hate myslef. I purposely mis-spell it bcos myself is a shit.

I don't know what I hate more, myself or my life. I always pretend that I'm fine, I'm okay with everything when I'm not. I'm always clumsy and it makes myself annoyed too. And to make things worse, my ego is so high I hate meself.

And about socializing, I have weird habit of trying hard to impress myself to everyone and I always push myself to meet other people's expectation. When I get on their bad terms, I feel bad but never says sorry. I don't know if it's my ego or my awkwardness but I always feel shy to apologize, because I hate awkwardness. Ugh.

And things always never go my way. If I have high expectations on something, my hope always crash on myself. Even if I don't have high expectations things don't go my way too. I'm always unfortunate. Nothing in my life has been real.

I always pretend to love myself, to be confident about me but the truth is I'm the person full of doubt, full of insecurities, full of stupidity. The results I get is always just based on lucks. I'm never wise, always pretending to be one.

Actually, to sum it all up, my life is full of pretending. I'm pretending to be happy when I'm not, I'm pretending to be in pain when it's not, I'm pretending to be stupid but I can actually think and I'm always pretending to be prefect when I'm so far away from it.

I hate myself. I hate my life, I hate me.

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